On my way to work this morning I got a good chuckle over a police officer pulling over a biker for running a red light. I rolled down my window to listen in on the conversation, because the biker was having a total vagina meltdown. Long story short, his tampon-temper-tantrum basically came down to him crying about how he doesn’t have to follow the rules of the road, because he isn’t driving a motorized vehicle. He was also bitching that he had looked both ways before running the red light, and didn’t see any cars coming (one had to slow down to avoid flattening him in the intersection).
Honestly, it’s not so much that I hate bicycles, it’s the people that ride them that I hate. It seems like they are constantly doing something moronic that’s either putting their life, or someone else’s life in danger. Nearly every time I see one I automatically cringe, and have to use every ounce of self-control not to throw my door open and knock their ass to the ground.
Bikers seems to fall into one of three distinct categories:
1) Children – Children actually seem to be the least annoying of all bikers (go figure). They tend to stick to the side roads where they don’t bother anyone, and when a car is coming, they’ll quickly move to the sidewalk. When they’re riding on the sidewalk, and you’re walking along, they tend to move to the streets, or stop completely until you walk by. For some reason, children seem to be the only ones that realize that a car can completely crush a bicycle, and act accordingly.
2) Responsible Biker – Of course there are good riders out there, but they are few and VERY far between. So I’m not talking about the ones that do follow the law, and are cautious and courteous to both drivers, and pedestrians alike. I do see these from time-to-time, so I do know that they exist. I feel sorry for this type of biker, because even though they’re responsible and doing no harm to anyone, they are always going to be lumped in with the next type of biker, which horribly represents the entire biking community. Which brings us to the reason for this post, the…
3) Smug Asshole Biker – This is the douche bag that transforms into Lance Armstrong every morning, and thinks he’s in the Tour de France during rush hour traffic. You’ll find him in his florecent, skin-tight body suit, helmet, and goggles either cutting off, slowing down, or nearly being hit by every car on your daily commute.
He will be the piece of shit biker that delusionally thinks he’s going the speed limit in the middle of the lane, when he’s actually slowing traffic to a crawl. You know who I’m talking about. The one everyone is trying to get around, and once you do you’ll hit a red light, he will catch up, and you will have to start all over again. Seriously, get to the side of the road you fucktard!
The worst part about this type of biker is their arrogance. They act like they own the road and that they don’t have to abide by the laws that automobiles do, because they aren’t a motorized vehicle. Well guess what, if you’re using the roads, you have to follow the same laws everyone else does. You can cry all you want about how some of the laws don’t make the same sense for a biker, as they do for someone in a vehicle, but the fact of the matter is that you’re going to get ran over if you’re not following the same laws that everyone else is.