My road trip down the Oregon coast started in Astoria, home of The Goonies house. Since clearly this is a landmark that everyone must see before they die, it was only logical that I start my journey here. Not only that, but the Kindergarten Cop school is just right down the road!! Just think, if Arnold had been ‘teaching’ at that school while the events of The Goonies were unfolding, Mama Fratelli & The Fratelli Brothers would have been arrested right away, changing the course of history. Kinda funny how all of that worked out, huh?
So, The Goonies house was pretty rad… it’s still maintained and looks exactly like it does in the movies. The crap part is that an actual family lives there now, so you feel kinda awkward about walking up to their house and taking pictures. Apparently they are totally fine with it, but I still felt like a turd burglar lurking around the place. Right down the road you’ll be able to see the Kindergarten Cop elementary school. Thank God it was closed for summer, cause I’m not entirely sure how it would have looked had I been running around the school yard like a 12-year-old girl.
Another sweet place to check out is the Astoria Column up on Coxcomb Hill, which is covered in carvings depicting the travels of Lewis & Clark. If you’re immune to annoying crowds, and don’t have a fear of dying, you can actually take a 164-step spiral staircase that ascends to an observation deck at the top. Be warned, this staircase is no joke. Not only are you walking up hundreds of stairs, but it’s also in a very tight space going in circles. I started getting pretty dizzy after a few minutes, and after that refused to let go of the rail in fear of losing my balance and falling down the staircase like an asshole. This was actually one place I was happy there were dickhead kids and slow elderly people in front of me. Whenever I got tired and needed to slow down for a minute I would just sigh, roll my eyes, and pretend I was annoyed with how slow everyone else was going. Once you get to the top, the view is unbeatable.
If you like eating to stay alive, then you HAVE to go to a restaurant called T Paul’s Supper Club. I had the Dungeness Crab Mac n Cheese with a Parmesan Crust, and I swear to you, it is the best thing I have EVER eaten in my life. I can’t even begin to explain how amazing it was… or can I? Just imagine eating a huge pile of dog shit covered in burnt hair and Crest toothpaste… imagine it, I’ll wait. Ok, now imagine the opposite taste of that, and that’s how good it was. I have honestly considered making the 4 hour drive on a whim just so I could have it again. If you are ever in the area, do yourself a favor and try it.
Astoria was a great place to spend the day, and I spent most of it walking around the entire town. The waterfront is beautiful, and has a lot of historical sites. If I were to do it again, I probably wouldn’t wear flip-flops since I had some pretty mean blisters after 8 hours of walking around. I have very sensitive king-like feet, so I should have known better.