Ugh, I swear I’ve been spinning around in circles OMGing all morning!! So get this, Jessie’s stepbrother, Eric, arrived from New York this morning with a TOTAL bad attitude, and starts pulling all these shenanigans on the gang, and it just stressed me the hell out. I feel as if I witnessed more lies, conniving, and devious blackmail so far today, than anyone else has witnessed in their entire life!
Yeah, so it all starts when Zack is trying to find a way to cut class for the day so he can go to the Mets & Dodgers playoff game. Of course, being the totally brilliant mind that he is, he uses the holiday of Yom Kippur as his excuse to skip, telling everyone he is Jewish. During the game, Zack is an absolute badass and catches a foul ball off of Rabbi Strawberry!!! Unfortunately, sociopath Eric is watching the game and sees Zack skipping class! So the next day Eric blackmails Zack into giving him the ball AND his locker (WTF?!?! ASSHOLE MUCH?!), or he will show Mr. Belding the tape!!!
If that wasn’t bad enough, wait until you get a load of this! Next he secretly records some steamy, intimate talking between Jessie and Slater…
Slater: Hey, come on baby, I’m trying to study! Why don’t you stay away from my neck!
Jessie: I can’t help it, I need to be close to you tonight…
I literally LOLed 5 times like a school girl at how hot and steamy the conversation was, but that quickly ended when Eric blackmailed Jessie into giving him her bedroom, or he’d play the tape over the schools PA the next day!! Really, Eric?! Who would do that?! It’s not even the schools business what goes on in Jessie and Slater’s private life!! That just really set me off, I can’t even begin to tell you how pissed I was! So yeah, the next day Slater tries to set Eric straight, but then HE GETS BLACKMAILED TOO!!!!!!
So this is what happened, Zack ends up bribing Lisa into taking Eric out on a date by giving her MC Hammer tickets, and it quickly turns into a god damn greek tragedy when they fall for one another. So basically Eric blackmails Slater into giving him Mr. Belding’s car for the date (because high school principals typically leave expensive luxury cars with their students when they leave town). That’s when Zack comes up with another awesome plan, to take a picture of Eric driving Mr. Belding’s car, to get him in trouble!
Unfortunately, Eric was a total douche-tool, and makes Lisa drive during the date. So when Zack pops out from behind a bush to take a picture, it blinds poor Lisa, causing her to wreck the car!! Although I don’t completely understand how it’s a good idea to be jumping out from behind bushes in front of a moving car, in the middle of the night, to take the drivers picture… I still consider this an amazing idea!!
Long story short, the next day when Zack finds out that Eric likes Lisa, he throws it in Eric’s face that the only reason she went out with him was because he paid her off! OH SNAP, SON! IN YO FACE, KID! After serving Eric off a piece of something fresh, he tackles the problem of fixing Mr. Belding’s car to protect Lisa from getting into trouble. Eventually they find out it’s going to cost $600 to fix it, and obviously not having that kind of money, Zack comes up with another scheme to make the money.
So the next day he comes to school and sells lottery tickets to all of the students (because I know if students back when I was in high school were selling lottery tickets, I would certainly buy them). Then before the lottery starts, Screech pulls the fire alarm (because that’s both safe and legal) and switches the numbers around, so his ticket wins! BRILLIANT! So after Screech collects his money, Zack and Slater strong-arm him into giving them the money for the car, and Eric overhears them talking about their diabolical plan. Eric, being a total self-centered jerk, blackmails Slater into letting him borrow HIS car, or he would tell the entire school that they fixed the lottery! SO. MUCH. DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At this point my stomach is literally covered with ulcers because of all the stress, and I strongly consider turning off the show in fear of having some sort of stroke or heart attack… that’s how stressed out I was over all of this drama! Luckily things turned out ok though, and they all find out that Eric isn’t really that bad of a dude, and he just didn’t know how to fit into a new crowd. So essentially what I learned was that lies, blackmail, and scheming makes up for being socially retarded. Makes sense to me!