As far back as I can remember, I’ve always avoided vegan restaurants due to the fear of them smelling like a mixture of cow shit, and body odor… and the food tasting even worse than the smell (Hippieaphobia – It’s a real thing, look it up). Well, that and the fact that I’ve always preferred going to Arby’s or Taco Bell over just about anywhere else. Well it was finally time to lay my fears to rest, and go to dinner at one of these sacred hippie playgrounds. We found a place nearby called The Teapot, which has an all-vegan menu, and decided to go there. I was immediately sketched out because I think tea tastes like absolute dick-cheese, so we weren’t really off to a promising start.
Dread immediately filled my entire soul as we entered, and were the only ones there… at 6:00pm… Not even the vegans liked this fucking place, how the hell would I?! I decided to be brave as shit though, and grabbed a seat anyway. If anyone can make it through a certain death situation, it’s me. Immediately upon sitting down, this frail old asian woman with black teeth waddled over to our table. All I could think of was that one of her teeth is definitely going to fall out into my food. She seemed extra excited to see us, which isn’t surprising since we were probably the only customers they’ve had in the past month.
After taking a long look at the menu, everything actually sounded really good. I was shocked that it took me so long to pick out what I wanted. I ended up getting the Steamed Dumplings for an appetizer, and the Mandarin Crispy Tofu for my main dish. I was quickly comforted by the fact that I might actually like what I was going to eat… also, that the creature that was serving us wasn’t going to be making my food. All of a sudden, all was right with the world, and I was at peace. Eventually the food came, and it was deeeeeeeeeelicious! So good, in fact, that I would actually choose to go there even if I wasn’t eating vegan for the month.
So I guess if there’s a lesson to be learn from all this, it’s definitely not that I “misjudged vegan restaurants,” or that I “overreacted” about anything… well, come to think of it, I guess there are no lessons here. If there is a lesson, which there isn’t, it’s probably just that I’m awesome. We all knew that already though, didn’t we? Here are my epic food pics from the past couple days. Enjoy!
Calories for day 16: 1570 Weight: 189.00
Calories for day 17: 1690 Weight: 189.02
(Fun Facts: Height: 6’0″ / Starting Weight: 197.6)
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