Let me start this off by saying that eating a ridiculous amount of spicy ass indian food, followed by drinking an ungodly amount of beer, apparently doesn’t make your body too happy the next day. I’m going to spare you the details, but let me just say this… if I lit a match in my house, the place would go nuclear. Maybe this is common sense to most people, I don’t know… but I definitely didn’t get the memo on this one. Fortunately the only people that had to suffer due to my lack of intelligence were the poor customers trying to have lunch at a Subway shop this afternoon. I did my best to “hold on tight,” I was even starting to break a sweat trying to “keep it in.” Well… my poor body just couldn’t handle it anymore, and I had to drop some knowledge on a store full of unsuspecting victims. I, of course, waited until I paid, and was walking out… and all I heard as I was getting into my car was, “AWWWWWWW gross!!” Followed by a few people rushing out… OOPS! I strategically crop dusted a couple kids on the way out, so hopefully they just thought it was them… I’m cool like that.
So the past couple days have been simple, mainly because I’ve went out to eat both nights, and didn’t have to rely on my on superior chef skills to make my delicious vegan meals. On day 22, we went back to The Teapot, and I got the same Mandarin Crispy Tofu as I did last time… mainly because it’s one of the most amazing dishes ever. I also got some sort of lettuce wrap deal, where you could put this gross bullshit in it, then eat it. I know, I’m very eloquent and descriptive about what I eat. Needless to say, it was an epic fail of an appetizer. I don’t know what the hell I was putting into the lettuce wraps, but it tasted like it was shit out by a dying animal. That’s not me being overdramatic, that’s real talk people… because this is some real shit we’re dealing with. Thank god for my mandarin tofu, or I’m fairly sure the taste of spam covered ballsack would have stayed with me for the rest of my life.
On day 23 we went to the aforementioned indian restaurant, called Spice Route. Wow, what an interesting place. Ok, so I LOVE spicy food, if you couldn’t tell by the fact that all my food is covered with Sriracha. I mainly go for the Thai food though, and rarely have indian. So looking at a menu there, it was pretty much like reading a foreign language. Of course, anything that I could understand on the menu wasn’t vegan, so I was basically stuck with the gibberish portion of the menu. After spending way too long trying to figure out what I wanted, I went with something called Spicy Masala Dosa… my main reason for choosing this dish was because I recognized the words “spicy” and “potato.” So, after looking at the price I figured it had to be something small, and since I was going out drinking afterwards, I wanted to make sure I was well fed, so I also got the Rasam soup… yeah, because I recognized the word “pepper.”
Wow, ok… so they first bring out everyone’s food except for mine, and knowing my luck, I just figured they forgot to make it. A few minutes later I found out why they had to bring mine out separately. I can’t even express to you the horror on my face when they put my plate down in front of me. I was in such shock that everyone else apparently had to clear the table in front of me, just so they could sit the damn thing down. It was SOOOOOOO huge, the picture really doesn’t do it justice. So now I have this plate in front of me, full of God knows what, and now I have to figure out how you’re supposed to eat it. Everyone else’s guess was as good as mine, so I just started tearing it apart with my hands, and dipping it in this little side dish full of delicious goodness, and ate it like that. I’m pretty sure I looked like a moron, and everyone was wondering why the stupid white boy was eating like an animal… but honestly, what else was I supposed to do?!
The food was actually amazing, really spicy too! The soup I got was mainly a spicy broth, and I ate some sort of pepper in it, that I don’t think I was suppose to eat, because my face melted as soon as I bit into it. My next problem came when we finally left the restaurant. Whatever I had just eaten was quickly expanding in my stomach. I’m fairly sure that for at least the next 3-4 hours I looked pregnant. During deflating time later, I couldn’t stop burping this disgusting indian food/beer belch… thankfully my girlfriend was around, so I got to blow them all in her face. That made it semi worth it. Anyway, here are the pics from the past couple nights… I could probably write a lot more, but I still have to watch tonight’s episode of The Walking Dead, Comic Book Men, and Californication before bed. Enjoy!
Calories for day 22: 1880 Weight: 188.02
Calories for day 23: 1910 Weight: 188.08
(Fun Facts: Height: 6’0″ / Starting Weight: 197.6)
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