I swear to God, vegans have their own language. I’ve been making a habit of surfing #hashtags over on Twitter to find new things to try during the month. You should see some of the recipes that have been sent to me. I’m pretty sure that that majority of society has never heard of the ingredients that go into these things. So after I find something that I might want to try, I’ll head back out on the internet to ask people what the hell it is I’m buying. Not only do they have some crazy-ass names, but the places they come from? Honestly, you don’t even want to know. A typical conversation will be something like this:
Me: Yeah, so I’m trying to make the vegan “chicken” pot pie, what is brown gardein scallopini, and where do I find it?
Vegan: Brown gardein scallopini is an algae that builds around chapped goose nipples when swimming in the salt water of the Atlantic Ocean.
Me: WHAT? Really?!
Vegan: The goose is carefully taken from the water, and the algae is slowly peeled from his nips.
On a more positive note, I do have to say that vegans are VERY helpful and nice. If you’re a single dude, you can definitely meet some attractive ladies in the natural food aisle. I ran down the road to Safeway to restock on some goods, and to try out this almond milk that my friend Travis has been raving about (It’s amazing by the way, especially the chocolate). As always, I was bumbling around the aisles not knowing where to look, or what I’m even looking for, and this lovely young girl walked over to ask if she could help me find anything. While I was explaining my little experiment to her, a couple other girls overheard the conversation, and came over to help me out too. Before too long, I had an entire entourage of hot vegan girls helping me navigate the grocery store, and giving me advice.
As for the meals the past couple of days, I’ve just been doing the same old thing, and I’m pretty much over it. I picked up a lot of goods at Safeway, and I’ll be trying a few new things this week. Tomorrow night I’ll be making a Creamy Potato Corn Chowder from a recipe that the lovely Veronica emailed me, from her upcoming recipe book. I’m more than certain that I’ll fuck it up beyond belief, and will either hurt myself, or burn down my kitchen in the attempt, but it will be worth it to try something new! Until next time, here’s my boring ass vegan dinners from the past couple nights.
Calories for day 8: 1412 Weight: 190.08
Calories for day 9: 1490 Weight: 191.04
(Fun Facts: Height: 6’0″ / Starting Weight: 197.6)
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