There are few things I can’t live without, and besides boobs, and the NFL (Raiders), coffee is definitely one of them. My favorite place to go is Starbucks, like most of America. I’m not one of those self-righteous douche bags that run around propagating hatred towards Starbucks, because they are a corporate giant. Starbucks is a giant because they are the best, that’s why I go there. I do, however, have a problem with them, let me explain.
Every time I pull up to a Starbucks I have to make a difficult decision. Do I want to go in, or do I want to go through drive-thru? Most of the time the decision is made for me, either the drive-thru line is ridiculously long, or I’m meeting someone there, so I’m forced to go inside. That is when the nightmare begins. Regardless of location, or the time of day, you’re likely to run into one, if not several annoying people.
While you’re in line, you typically have to deal with someone’s shithead kids that are running circles around you, grabbing everything in sight, and running it back to their irresponsible parent, asking if they will buy it for them. You’ll see them poking their midget sausage fingers through all the plastic on the food, asking their dimwitted parent what it is, screaming while they chase each other around, who knows. All I know for certain is by the time I’m out of that line, I’m ready to fuck a kid up. No joke.
After surviving the line, then you have to walk over and wait for your drink… because it’s time to eagle-eye the creepy emo kid that hates trends, yet works as a Starbucks barista, to make sure his unkempt facial hair isn’t dipping into your latte. Seriously, why can’t they get the cute girl to make your drink? Why does it always have to be the dude that looks like a date rapist, and undoubtedly owns a van that resembles the Mystery Machine? Jesus Christ…
Next comes the REALLY hard part… where do you want to sit? You have several choices here, as you can sit by any of the following:
– The annoyingly loud study group that has taken over an entire section of the store, that now has to speak at the top of their lungs to hear one another. – The group of snooty soccer moms that are meeting up for their daily latte, and gossip session. – The awkward male and female that are obviously on their first ‘date,’ that thought it would be more casual if they just met for coffee. – The dude by the window with an expensive MacBook who wants to look employed, but is really just listening in to your conversation. – The high school kids that are screaming at the top of their lungs, so that they are heard over everyone else in the store. – The college bimbo that thinks it’s socially acceptable to walk out in public wearing her white trash PJs, just because she saw Britney Spears do it.
It’s literally a who’s-who of annoying, but I deal with it, because I do love me some Starbucks! In the spring/summer it’s a lot more tolerable because I can actually sit out in the sun and people watch. Maybe I’m just a tad bitter now since I’ve been cooped up inside with the rest of the crazies all fall/winter. Who knows, I’m just a thug, through-n-through.